Well, I’m back.
Back to writing, back to being by myself again but not quite by myself although I’m by myself. Life has a funny way to go, that’s for sure…
Let me tell you about my love life.. All the mistakes I’ve made, all the things that I thought would be that turned out not to be at all…
Let start with Paul… Paul was, and I say was, my Viking, what I thought was another, yes, yet another twin soul… How wrong was I… I just wish I had seen it coming…
Now that the relationship is more than over I can actually look back and see how stupid I was… there again, perhaps I was more than stupid, or maybe my excuse was that I just wanted to feel loved and have a partner with whom to have a special connection. And I must say that Paul and I had a very special connection, we thought alike (or at least that what I thought), we had great fun eventhough the last 8 months of that relationship was basically a toxic and selfish one on his part. Sometimes I wonder whether we had a drunken relationship…
But let me put this in perspective.. When Paul had come to me, he was totally and utterly broke, he actually owed rent and electricity money… he came to live with me… I didn’t have loads of money but when I think back I was the one who always bought the whiskey and all the extra things…I spent a lot of money, money I shouldn’t have spent but I spent nonetheless.
Not even a year after we got fakely married things started to deteriorate. Many factors involved in this. My daughter was in full swing teenager mood and he started not wanting sex, there was always an excuse… it was all good and fine for me to suck his cock or give him erotic massages but when it came to reciprocate, there was nothing for me. I even bought a massage stretcher so that we could play erotic games, new sex toys to try to arouse him, well, not so much arouse him but to make him want to have sex, and it all came down to nothing.
On our Anniversary we went to Teruel, I booked the whole thing… the idea was a romantic weekend… and not to pressure him on to having sex at all. That worked out ok for him. We didn’t have sex eventhough I’d brought my sext toys with me in case, yes, in case he wanted to play… We caught Pokémons instead… which was great but I would have preferred to have had sex.
In August he said he wanted to go on holidays, he actually said “I’m going on holiday” so I assumed; yes, silly me, I assumed he meant both of us. I opened my piggy bank and I literally used all my money to go on holiday with him to a lovely resort in Calpe, Valencia where we consistently got drunk every single day and had no sex whatsoever but had lot of fun.
When we came back from holidays he dropped the bomb, he said he was too stressed, he couldn’t live with me any longer and he started to look for a flat. In September he was out. I lost lots of weight, I was so upset I basically wanted to die and the funny thing is that we kept on talking on the phone for ages every single day, we watched the same films at the same time from different houses. I even went to see him and sleep with him in the middle of the night after hours of chatting to him. I even ended up spending every weekend with him.
Although I was upset, he seemed quite happy to have me around (silly me again, I should have punched myself in the face) and suck his cock till March came and with Fallas, a traditional Valencian “fiesta”, he stopped wanting me to be around. He had started seeing another girl who had given him an ultimatum.
Between September and March I had been seeing other guys and even sleeping with them but the truth is that they weren’t any good, they were not what I wanted and on top of that sex was really shit.
Funny thing is that when I was seeing a guy in May and debating whether to keep him on not, only just because he fixed things around the house, Pete got back to me via twitter.
Peter is basically the love of my life or my true love… I have never been able to get him out of my head and to tell the truth, except for my real first ex-husband, all I looked for in other guys, even Malta guy, Robert, was something similar to what I had had with Pete.
As I was saying, Peter got back to me and told me he was ready. Those were magic words.
I told him I had just started seeing a guy (the handy man guy) and that I knew he wasn’t going to last long as he was too controlling and even jealous. He then asked me to call him back as soon as I was single again. Three days later I called him up and told him I’d rather have him than anyone else. To tell the truth I was fed up trying to find the right guy and although I wanted Peter in my life again I wasn’t sure how it would be possible to make it work; I have a difficult and stubborn teenager daughter who doesn’t make things easy, he lives and works in Hastings, UK, making decent money and I live and work here in Valencia making survival money.
Peter flew over to see me soon after that conversation, I think it was twenty days after that conversation. Well, what happened next didn’t surprise me at all… it was as it had been thirty years ago and how it had been about eight years ago when I left Malta guy to see him for four days… it was as if we had never parted. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we have consistently kept in contact at different intervals in our lives and told each other just about everything that went on in our lives whether at that moment we were having a good time or not. We know each other inside out.
The day he came I was working till late at the academy, my cousin picked him up from the airport and dropped him off at a hotel near where I live; he wasn’t going to stay at my house unless he had my daughter’s approval so we went for dinner, got drunk and we walked back to his hotel which was great fun as he was dying for a piss and as usual, I watched and sucked his cock in the middle of the park… Back to the good old days! When we got back to the hotel we had a little play about but didn’t carry on as I had ordered at taxy to get me back home so we had to leave at that… A great appetizer!
The following day, we picked my daughter up from school and we went for lunch.. That’s when she met him properly. She had heard a lot about him, or at least the things she could know about considering her age so although she was familiar with him she was a bit curt but funny about it and gave her consent for him to stay over.
We had a great time in spite of me working at the academy. We went for lunch or for dinner or we’d stay in the porch drinking and smoking and basically the three of us having a great time chatting and laughing.
Peter said he regretted leaving me back then and the thing is that I know that. He said he had always loved me and that all his other relationships had been shit as I was always inside is head.. Well, what can I say, it’s been the same for me. I love him, I have always loved him and I know I will always love him no matter what happens in our lives. In fact, even when I was with Paul, I used to tell my sister that if Peter ever came back into my life, it would be a tough decision but I would go for Peter, simply because it’s an unexplainable deep love.
Now I´m happy because not only Pete’s back in my life, he’s actually committed to make this work through my daughter… he’s adopted her, literally; well, not literally but he says he wants to be her Uncle Buck and I know he’ll do a great job at being her Uncle Buck.
I’m also extra happy because my daughter likes chatting to him via skype when we chat every night. Sometimes, when I come back from seeing friends she asks me if I’m not going to talk to him that night… and then when we’re talking, she comes along and says hello and even takes the piss out of him.
We have a plan….