Well, I’d met a bear, hadn’t I? I actually got to like that bear more than it’s normal for me.. I’ve actually been seeing him on a regular basis and sometimes even more than once in the same day. He’s talked about moving in and living together and all. At first I thought it would be a mad idea but then, I evaluated the situation and decided that it was actually a good idea, it would be a good way of finding out fairly quickly if we could get on and be compatible; if things don’t work out I can always throw him out.
Things were all set, the ship was suddenly uncontrollably moving forwards and then it crashed.
Suddenly, bear decided he had to think about it… he said he had his family giving him hell after he had told them he was moving in with a girl, well, a grown up and on the way to being called a grandma “me”, he’d just met. So he put our relationship in stand-by mode.
He kept saying he needed time to sort things out so I didn’t see him regularly any more which produced a a few different feelings in me, one of them was half indifference and the other one and the most dangerous one was the feeling of missing him. Realising that I actually missed chatting to him and seeing him made me angry and with an indescribable lack of control over my feelings which at the same time made me happy as I discovered that I’d fallen in love, a feat I didn’t actually think possible anymore. I’m not an alien after all, I’m human. Damn!
Something happened that produced a change in the bear’s standby mode…. a change which on the one side I like and that on the other side… makes me wonder.
A friend of mine from Malta, well, he’s actually an ex-boyfriend of mine and is English, not Maltese, is setting up a writing course and asked me to help with the courses when they were set up and running. No problem there, I’d have to travel to and fro every now and again but the pay is worth it.
This was half OK with bear, he was not too happy about the idea of me working together with an ex-boyfriend and far away from him but up to that point that was just an idea…all up in the air till the courses get going.
My ex-boyfriend, let’s call him Rabbit just for the sake of maintaining his anonymity, called me up last week and asked me to do a mini film or documentary about the courses and the island because he had really liked the last one I had made and he wanted me to do another one just for his webpage. I literally had to go there and then when he called but I couldn’t so I’m going next week and for a whole week. Good pay. Flights are paid for too and my daughter also gets to travel with me and get a princess treat at a spa in a luxurious hotel. Lovely!
Bear has suddenly had a panic attack! what fun!
Bear is turning out to be a bit jealous too. That, I don’t like.
He’s come to my house on a regular basis again and has set out to make himself indispensable to me.
To tell the truth, I really don’t know what will happen between bear and me. It’s not that I’m thinking of getting back with rabbit, no. It’s just that things in Spain are very shit at the moment, no money anywhere, everyone is in panic mode, I hardly have any clients or students for that matter. I earn just about enough to cover basic costs so if rabbit gives me the opportunity of earning some decent money, I will take it. I will most definitely take the opportunity and if I have to move to that smaller island, then I’ll move there.
Bear has asked me if I was going to be a good girl there and behave myself and my answer, naturally, was “NO”. Of course I’m not going to be a good girl. When I’m with the boys, I’m just as bad as them. That, to me doesn’t mean being unfaithful, it’s means having fun.
I can’t wait to get to Malta… I can’t wait to see rabbit and the other people I know there and also see a lovely farm house that had been turned into an absolutely beautiful lot of tourisity apartments where furniture and other articles of decoration were home-made by the owner using recycled materials most of the time. One of the four posted beds, for example, is made with the trunks of the trees he had to remove in order to build the luxurious swimming pool.